Post-Race. Tired and sore… but still smiling! :)
Today, I ran my first race of 2012. I have hardly run at all since the New Years and let me tell you, I feel like I have been broadsided by a bus. I feel like I did after my very first race… (Depressing!) Everything hurts. Normal movements make me aware of muscles I didn’t even know existed (and tomorrow it’s going to be worse…). But the crazy thing– I love it. This feeling does not make me want to quit running, but push harder, train harder, work harder. Because I can. I know I am capable of more, more speed more distance more discipline. And I want it.
So why do I run?
Honestly, I run for the high. There is nothing quite like runners’ high, and you can’t get it any other way. So I work my body into submission for the release, for the endorphin explosion that I know awaits me at the finish line (or the end of a great run!).
I run to sweat. It’s like a free, natural trophy of hard work.
I run to work out my issues. There is nothing better than being frustrated and pounding out the frustration on the pavement. So rewarding. So freeing.
Today as I was running and my hip flexors were screaming at me to stop, I remembered something Molly had told me as we were climbing mad stairs in the metro (she refused to take the escalators while she was here. And some of those metros are waaaay underground…). She said, when climbing stairs, don’t look up, just look at the next step and next thing you know, you’ll be at the top. She was right. I didn’t need to know how many were left, just that I had gotten up the next one and the next one and the next one. At kilometer 7, as I looked ahead at the sea of people in front of me, the people passing me, and started counting the minutes to the end I let my gaze fall to the ground in front of me. I said to myself, ‘Meg, you don’t have to do anything else except put your foot right there in front of you. And there and there and there.’ And sure enough, by worrying just about the next step, I found myself picking up the pace a little, not hurting as much. (I know it was hardly a marathon I was running– that was my amazing friend Sara who did it in 4:16!!!!, but it was far enough that with no preparation, I was hurtin’!)
And this is so where I am in life right now. As of tomorrow, I have 100 days left in Madrid, and it is a mini finish line of sorts. And right now, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other right now and finish strong. I plan to take complete advantage of these days and do something different everyday (more on that later), but the next steps beyond these 100 days, beyond July 31st, are completely unknown to me. All I know right now is that I will be back in LA. Doing what, you ask? Well, darned if I know.
But what I realized today while running and hurting and wishing I had just slept in is that I don’t NEED to know what the next step is beyond the one I am taking. Much like looking ahead in the race is daunting and defeating, I just need to focus on where my feet are now. If I knew where I was headed, I might tuck my tail between my legs and head in the other direction. If I knew, I would miss out on all that life has to offer me here, now. I can worry about life in LA when there is a life in LA to worry about. Right now, the only life I have is in Madrid.
It was a very enlightening run to say the very least. I didn’t set any personal records or feel particularly awesome about my performance, but I went out and did the best I could. That best was 1:10:22. Not my best time ever, but I did my best. Which is all we can ever really do, right?
la rubia en españa 